Monday, August 17, 2009

Doctor Appointment Update

Basically...

*Ultrasound = no pregnancy tissue left, which is good news.

*Bloodwork will come back tomorrow, hopefully reflecting hCG at zero.

*Doctor confirmed I have luteal phase defect.

*Doctor wants to wait 2 cycles before starting Clomid. She suggested Clomid or progesterone, but said Clomid was a better & more effective way to treat my issue as it actually corrects the corpus luteum rather than just supplementing it.

*She also suggested I use this time to lose a few pounds so that we have even better chances of a healthy pregnancy. I'm now excited to start a health kick since I have a good goal in mind and a good timeframe to work with.

Overall a good appointment, but a little sad I'll have to wait even longer to TTC again. She said we could start trying on our own after one cycle, but if we were wanting to do the fertility treatment, she requests 2 cycles before starting. I know it's for the best, but it still sucks. At least I have something I'm working toward in the time being.

D & I are already looking into a good weight loss system we're excited about. It will make our lives really easy and keep us focused and on track. He only needs to lose 10-15 lbs and I want to lose quite a bit more... but it'll be good we're both on the same page. :o)

Friday, August 14, 2009

So much better

I am feeling a lot better. The heavy m/c bleeding has stopped. I am now barely spotting and not having any cramps. Emotionally, I am feeling a lot better since it has passed. I did get a little emotional tonight in a department store at the mall... but that's because the lady was rude to me about not getting the shower gift sooner (they didn't have stuff in stock) and I got choked up thinking about WHY I didn't get the gift sooner (was going through the m/c & starting back work). So I cried for about 10 minutes in the store and got myself together.

Monday is my big appointment. Not sure if she's going to do an ultrasound to confirm that all the pregnancy tissue is gone or not. I am going to get another blood draw done so hopefully those numbers (on Tues or Weds) will reflect an hCG level of zero. I pray she doesn't change her mind on the Clomid & progesterone or want to wait to start it or something... she has been very understanding over the phone and very proactive, so I don't have any reason to believe she will "change her mind" on me or anything. I just hope it's as easy as her saying, "ok, let's start this your next cycle, here are the prescriptions..." but I honestly have no idea how it works. Some women are monitored on Clomid... others are not. If I'm not taking a big dose of it, I won't need to be. I guess a lot of my questions will be answered Monday afternoon!

I really feel like this could be our answer. I really feel like we could be pregnant before this year is over, with a healthy, sticky baby! I have no reason to feel this hope & optimism given my history... so I'm left with thinking it's God's way of comforting me and giving me hope that it will truly be the solution. I have prayed for peace day & night. Peace for our situation and peace for what's to come. Peace for all the uncertainty and I believe I have been granted that peace. We still have a long road ahead of us and if we do get pregnant, a stressful, nerved up 12+ weeks... (who am I kidding, 40 weeks!!!) but I feel like God is giving me this peace for a reason. That's all I can really say for now.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I iz on drugz.

:D

Today the miscarriage is in full swing. I had to change my pad 4 times in 6 hours today at work! Cramps have been god awful. I am happy the end is near. My doctor called me with my blood draw results... my numbers are down a little. I'm sure they're down EVEN more now. She called me in a prescription for Lortab and now I'm a happy camper. Well, physically.

I'm just going to relax on the couch the rest of the night & enjoy being doped up. LOL!

PS: Aside from a little crying last night on the phone with my sis-in-law, I haven't cried since Sunday!!!!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Blood Draw #4

Today I went for another blood draw. I also had to do a urine test which doesn't exactly make sense to me (isn't the blood test more important/informative?) My doctor wants to see my numbers going down. I PRAY they are going down so I don't need a D&C or medication to induce the miscarriage. This is my current worry. I'm still spotting heavily and today I had some more cramping while at work, but it was my own fault for forgetting to take Midol with me! :o( Tomorrow I'll hear from my doctor with those results. Next Monday I have a fertility appointment and D plans to go with me. I will appreciate that very much because I've realized how much I need his support through all this. Our friendship has grown even stronger in these last 2 weeks. My love for him has grown stronger, too. When I become weaker, he becomes stronger and I can depend on him to be my rock.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Depression

It's safe to say I have felt depression this past week. To me, depression is not a state of being that one can control or talk their way out of. It's not just feeling sad or down in the dumps. It's like a reflex that cannot be controlled and consumes you.

I hate that I have been feeling depressed for more than just the obvious of it SUCKS. I hate it because I am able to separate my mind from the situation right now and try to look on the brighter side... what's to come. But my body doesn't give a rat's a$$ that my mind is moving forward at all.

I start crying at random times, many times unprovoked. I do tend to get the crying urge more when I'm alone or feeling lonely. However, other times I just start crying in the middle of being busy or even with other people. And it's not even when I see babies or something like that. It's just a reflex. I have a permanent knot in my throat and at any given moment, I am liable to burst into tears.

I have had a really hard time picking myself up. I have tried really hard, too. I have tried to keep myself busy. I've tried to surround myself with friends/family. I've gone out to eat a few times and tried to maintain a normal life. D even took me shopping yesterday and I got some great new clothes for work, new shoes, and went to a nice dinner. I have not been just sitting around moping all day... but inside, I am miserable. No matter what I'm doing, I am feeling terrible. I'm exhausted, emotionally, mentally and it's taken a physical toll, too. My mind is not all there in whatever I'm doing. I do not feel like myself.

I know that it takes time to grieve and I need to take it one day at a time. Believe me, I know. I've been through this before. Even though my mind is feeling more optimistic this time around, my emotions are way worse than the first miscarriage I had (and that's pretty hard to beat). I don't know if it's because I've realized there is a problem with my body and yes, there is a CHANCE that I may never be able to carry a child. I have hope that I will, but that is always in the back of my mind.

People have told me I have the "good problem." Apparently, it's good that I can GET pregnant, but can't carry the baby? Really? This is the GOOD problem? Sorry, but to me it seems like a *slightly* better alternative to have problems getting pregnant but can carry the baby when you do get pregnant. There are so many possibilities out there that can help a woman conceive, but there are not nearly as many opportunities to help a woman carry that child. And both problems suck, if you ask me. I don't have the "good problem."

I just wanted to write out my feelings because I had hope that it might help me in some way. I'm not sure if it did... I guess we will see. It has been a miserable week and the weekend has been pretty sucktastic, too, for more reasons than just this.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Doctor Called

I really like her. I have to say, after my first miscarriage, I thought she was a bit "cold." Perhaps I was just overly sensitive at the time, but I really think now that she's had a baby of her own, she has really turned into a much more caring and personable doctor. She happily answered all of my questions and we set up a game plan.

I am going on Monday for another blood draw. She would like to see my numbers coming down. I am spotting/bleeding now. It has definitely not gotten heavy yet (even though this morning I thought for sure it was here....) and I haven't had any cramping yet either. So I imagine if my numbers don't come back less, she will want to do something to help the miscarriage along. I just hope it happens over the weekend on its own.

Then, a week from Monday (the 17th) I have an appointment with her to discuss our plan of action. I'm going to present her with my charts (both online and hard copy) and our phone discussion consisted of discussing Clomid and progesterone.

She said we can begin TTC again after my first normal period. This current bleeding does not count as a period. So it'll be over a month before we are TTC again. I'm okay with that because honestly it'll take me a little time to be emotionally ready again. Right now I'm crying unexpectedly. I think it's because the miscarriage is looming ahead of me and I'd just like it to be DONE and behind me. You know?

So I believe the plan will be Clomid & progesterone. I also want to start taking Vitamin B6 as an additional supplement to the pre-natals I'm already taking. B6 can help lengthen luteal phase. I actually feel an ounce of hope for this coming medicated cycle. I feel like it really could be the answer to the recurrent early miscarriages. I feel really thankful that modern medicine has allowed for this issue to be corrected... what a blessing.

Not much else to say other than I'll update as updates come. Please continue to pray for us that this miscarriage hurries up & passes without too much additional heartache and stress! I appreciate it greatly.

Here's My Problem

This is why charting is so valuable. Without charting my cycles, I would have had NO idea that my luteal phase was too short to carry a baby. I wish I had known before conceiving this time, but I'm comforted in knowing that going forward, we have a plan of action to correct this problem and hopefully, God willing, we will have success next time. I will be starting Clomid and Progesterone my next cycle. Feel free to real below what my problem is with my cycles. Of course, miscarriage can happen for outside reasons as well. My doctor and I believe this is why I've had 2 very early miscarriages.

What is a Luteal Phase Defect or LPD?
Luteal Phase Defect

A luteal phase is the time in a woman’s cycle between ovulation and menstruation. In a pregnant woman, during the luteal phase the fertilized egg will travel from the fallopian tube and into the uterus for implantation. The luteal phase is normally 14 days long and on an average it can be anywhere from 10 to 17 days long. If your luteal phase lasts anything under 10 days it is considered a luteal phase defect. But some doctors believe that if the luteal phase falls under 12 days, then it is a problem. If you conceive and you have a luteal phase defect, you will have an early miscarriage.

A luteal phase defect cannot sustain a pregnancy because the uterine lining in these women begins to break down, bringing on the menstrual bleeding and causing an early miscarriage. There could be more than one reason for the luteal phase defect which can be found out after medical analysis. Going by statistics, the number one reason for a luteal phase defect is low progesterone levels. Your doctor can do a progesterone test on you 7 days past ovulation to determine exactly how deficient you are. Once you know that there are several ways of correcting this defect.

Causes of Luteal Phase Defect
The three main causes of luteal phase defect include poor follicle production, premature demise of the corpus luteum, and failure of the uterine lining to respond to normal levels of progesterone. These problems occur at different times during the cycle but can also be found in conjunction with each other.

Poor follicle production occurs in the first half of the cycle. In this case, the woman may not produce a normal level of FSH, or her ovaries do not respond strongly to the FSH, leading to inadequate follicle development. Because the follicle ultimately becomes the corpus luteum, poor follicle formation leads to poor corpus luteum quality. In turn, a poor corpus luteum will produce inadequate progesterone, causing the uterine lining to be adequately prepared for the implantation of a fertilized embryo. Ultimately progesterone levels may drop early and menses will arrive sooner than expected resulting in luteal phase defect.

Premature failure of the corpus luteum can occur even when the initial quality of the follicle/corpus luteum is adequate. In some women the corpus luteum sometimes does not persist as long as it should. Here, initial progesterone levels at five to seven days past ovulation may be low; even if they are adequate, the levels drop precipitously soon thereafter, again leading to early onset of menses and hence a luteal phase defect.

Failure of the uterine lining to respond can occur even in the presence of adequate follicle development and a corpus luteum that persists for the appropriate length of time. In this condition, the uterine lining does not respond to normal levels of progesterone. Therefore, if an embryo arrives and tries to implant in the uterus, the uterine lining will not be adequately prepared, and the implantation will most likely fail.

Correction of Luteal Phase Defect
Fertility charting is an easy way of detecting whether you have luteal phase defect. If you do, don’t worry because luteal phase defect can be easily corrected. Immediately seek the advice of your physician first before starting any treatments to correct it. In most case, luteal phase defect can be corrected through over-the-counter remedies and/or with prescription drugs.

1. Over the counter remedies for luteal phase defect:The two main over the counter remedies for luteal phase defect are vitamin B6 and progesterone cream. Vitamin B6 is perfectly safe and can be taken daily in dosages from 50 mg to 200 mg. Taking vitamin B6 every day during the entire month will help to lengthen the luteal phase.

A progesterone cream is usually targeted for menopausal women; however this cream is also useful in lengthening the luteal phase. A cream with natural progesterone works best. Use about 1/4 to 1/2 a teaspoon of progesterone cream spread on the inner arm, inner thigh, neck, and chest - alternating places - twice a day from ovulation to menstruation or until the 10th week of pregnancy.

2. Prescription drugs for luteal phase defect:The most common prescription drugs for luteal phase defect patients are Clomid or progesterone suppositories. Clomid is taken orally as prescribed by the doctor. The suppositories are taken through the vagina after ovulation has occurred and until either day 14 post ovulation or at some point weeks later during a pregnancy, if pregnancy occurred.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Not Good News

My numbers were low. 46 to be exact. That is only a 16pt. increase from Thursday. The doctor told me it's most likely a destined miscarriage. So, now I wait - but this time, it's not for results... but for that horrible, empty pain that comes from a pregnancy loss.

I am just numb. There is no other way to put it. Why the f*ck do I have to go through this?! TWICE?! Are you kidding me? I look around at the millions of people that clearly don't deserve children, who don't have their lives together, who live on welfare, you name it... busting out kids left and right like it's there job. Why me? Why so many others who are deserving? I just don't get it and never will. I know "God has a plan" and I really do believe that. I just don't know how this kind of hurt and anguish can ever make sense, even in God's plan.

The only glimmer of hope in this terrible situation is that my doctor has a plan for me. She thinks my short leutal phase (9 days) can be fixed with Clomid, a fertility drug that is widely used. It's prescribed for 2 reasons: to induce ovulation in women who do not ovulate on their own; and to lengthen short leutal phases. My leutal phase is not allowing implantation to occur like it needs to. My uterine lining begins to shed too quickly before it has a chance to implant and start growing. This is my doctor's theory, and I have to say, has been my gut feeling the whole time.

I'm going in this month (either the 24th or sooner) to discuss the treatment. Most likely it will be a few days of Clomid at the beginning of the cycle and then progesterone once I ovulate. There are many successes on Clomid and I just hope I can be one of them. Another loss, I think, would put me at the end of my rope.

Please pray for us. We need it.

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Waiting Game

I went to have my hCG levels tested again today. Yay... bloodwork! I know there is plenty more of that to come. :o) I am nervously awaiting the results sometime tomorrow. I have been praying hard. It's obviously out of my control but it doesn't stop me from praying that this is the right time for us to have a successful pregnancy. I know I will feel so much better if we get good numbers tomorrow. Please pray for us.

Today I had a new symptom creep up! SORE BOOBS! Lovely. I welcome it, though. Bring it on! They're very tender and achy. I'm sure they could feel worse, though. They're not super intense yet. But definitely noticeable and uncomfortable certain times throughout the day, starting with waking up this morning!

I was also FAMISHED for dinner tonight at 4:30. I got physically sick feeling in Kohls when I was buying a work top. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to eat something. I'm starting to realize I'll need to keep a snack in my purse for those moments, because on the way home I stopped and got a Whopper from Burger King! Not good. Well, it was actually really good (lol) but I know it's not good FOR me. There was no chance I was going to make it home alive if I didn't eat something.

That's all for now... tomorrow I'll post the results in the afternoon/evening once I hear from my doctor. Until then, it's just waiting.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Digital Results

Yay! I took a digital today because it seemed like forever since Thursday when I heard my bloodwork results. It was also a mini-test to see if my hCG levels had risen. You see, the line tests I had been taking before only required 25 mIU/mL of the hormone in your pee. Since my bloodwork revealed my levels were 30, that explains the faintness of the lines on those tests -- I was barely meeting the requirements for the test to be positive.

Well, digital tests require 50 mIU/mL of the hormone in your pee. This means that on Thursday, or probably Friday even, the digital would still have been negative. I was that early pregnant when I found out! Your hormone levels are supposed to double every 48 hours (approx.) so if I was at 30 on Thursday, then by Saturday I should have been around 60 in theory, if my numbers were rising as they should. That means today, Sunday, they should have been a little higher than 60 even (of course, we're hoping for really high numbers, but this would be the minimum!)

So, if today's digital test was negative, I would have been really worried. Needless to say, it was positive and I'm elated. I'm now much more at ease as I wait to get more bloodwork done tomorrow afternoon and results Tuesday afternoon. It could still be bad news... even though the hormone has been rising so far, it could now completely stop. But we're trying our best to think positively and I'm still having some symptoms.

-Bloated (on and off - sometimes it's really bad)
-Extra gassy (and can't blame it on any particular food)
-Tired (not exhausted yet, but definitely want a nap everyday)
-Waves of dizziness/queasiness randomly throughout the day (no sickness yet)
-The feeling of twinges & pulls in my lower abdomen which I've never felt before! I've read that this is my uterus already expanding and contracting as the embryo grows - however small it may be :o)

Anyway. Tomorrow is back to work so that should be interesting to see how that affects my body. I imagine I'll be pretty exhausted and will need a big nap when I get home! As I said I'll be stopping at my doctor's office on my way home for more bloodwork.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Should be the last post until Tuesday

After this morning's test, I took another (with 2nd morning urine) and it was definitely positive. My conclusion is that my hormones are just on the cusp of being detectable on the HPTs.

I went for my hair appointment and my hairdresser was a few minutes behind, so I called my doctor's office to see if my bloodwork results were in. They were!!! Excitement and nerves flushed through me. Then they said my doctor was in a c-section surgery and she would be calling me later, since it's policy the doctors make the phone calls.

So, I got my new cute 'do (love it) and went home. I tried to kill some time. My mom came over to see my haircut. Then the phone rang... it was Dr. Anderson. She said I am definitely pregnant!! :oD

My hCG level was 30. This is low, but she said it's because I'm very early pregnant. I was 11 dpo when the test was done. According to a chart I found online, the median number for 11 dpo is 23, so 30 is actually a bit higher than the median. I am holding on to this bit of hope over the weekend while I wait anxiously to have more blood work done Monday afternoon.

My progesterone was a great score, she said. 14.7! Anything above 10 is good. So, that is a big relief.

Monday I will go back to the doctor when I get off from work and do some more bloodwork. Then I think Tuesday the results should be available. Pray for doubling numbers - good high numbers so I can rest easy at least until my first ultrasound & hopefully hearing the heartbeat.

Cautiously optimistic is what we are. I am getting excited, but trying not to let myself get too worked up about it. For now, I'm pregnant and couldn't feel more blessed.

The Roller Coaster Continues

This morning... another negative test. I've only had negatives with first morning urine! Go figure! That's supposed to be the most concentrated and give you the strongest results. For me, not so much. Second morning urine and later in the afternoon is what has given me positives.

So, of course it makes me feel frantic when I see that it's negative, and makes me crazy nervous. I am 12 dpo right now, which is still early. However, I'm 3 days late. I have a short LP (9 days). The good news is, the spotting has seemed to stop. I'm really hoping the last few days of spotting was implantation spotting which would explain the very faint positives and also...well, the spotting of course.

I otherwise feel okay, nothing too weird. Perhaps a bit more tired (I've been enjoying early evening naps the last week or so). This morning I woke up feeling totally bloated and very gassy. No foods I've eaten would have contributed to this. I've been eating normal stuff and none of it has been high fiber or what normally makes you gassy - beans, etc. I laid in bed this morning just feeling all the strange sensations in my abdomen. I have no idea if they're pregnancy related, but they're sure new to me.

So I suppose I'll test in a little while and hopefully see another positive for peace of mind. Then I'll try to lay low for a couple days. I am going to call my doctor around 1:00 today to see if my results are in. If not, I have to wait until Monday. Please keep us in your prayers as this worrisome journey continues...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Well, well, well.

What a friggin rollercoaster! The test I took this morning seemed negative to me. A light line showed up later (after the 10 min window) but I can't count that as positive.

So I went back to bed, woke up around 8:30 and took another test - positive!! The line showed up within the 3 minutes it says. Again, very faint, but still there, and pink!

I decided to call my doctor this afternoon to see what they thought I should do. She called me back and said come in right away. So, I made it there at 3pm (I had to work in my classroom today) and they drew my blood. I showed her my test from earlier this morning (which hasn't changed at all. Still looks the same way it did during the 10 minute window) and she agreed it was definitely a faint positive, as long as that was the result within the 10 minutes (which it was). It doesn't benefit me at all to lie about when the result appeared. The last thing I want is to get hyped up that I am pregnant, but not really be.

So she took my blood for hCG levels and also my progesterone levels. I can call at noon tomorrow, but she didn't think the results would be in until Monday. :o( I see a lot of testing this weekend...

But for now, I'll leave you with a picture of today's test from this afternoon. I think I got a pretty decent shot this time, and it helps that it's a wee bit darker. ;o) A line is a line! And it's pink, too. It's even clearer in person...it's the best I could do on our camera.

Hold up

There weren't 2 lines this morning. Not sure what this means, but for now, I'm not counting myself as pregnant.

I will, however, buy another test today and try again. My temp is still high (highest yet) and still no sign of AF. Right now I'm just left confused.

PS: My test from last night is still positive, and still pink. A positive is supposed to remain for 2 days.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Holy Jeebus

I just got a positive pregnancy test.

I have been spotting for 4 days now, and my period is late. I am not sure if it's only 1 day late, or if it's 4 days late, because my charting program is unclear on whether I ovulated on Cycle Day 20 or CD 23. I am also unclear...it's hard to tell.

Either way, I'm late. And this 4 days of spotting is very unlike me. I actually thought my period had come over 2 days ago when I had some bright red spotting (one time) in the evening. I put a tampon in, marked "light flow" on my chart and started a new cycle... well, that wasn't the case.

Tampon had practically nothing on it (brown) and I went back to barely spotting brown for the next 2 days. Also, my temperature has remained elevated. Today I actually had the highest temp I've had the whole cycle yet (view chart on the right, if you're interested). Our timing was most definitely right, considering we had sex every day for 15 days, LOL. And then again, twice a couple days later.

The test I took was a First Response Early Result test. It's a pink dye test with 1 or 2 lines. There are 2 lines. One is so faint, that I'm questioning it's even a positive. It's definitely there. D saw it, too. There's no squinting required, but it's incredibly faint. It could be an evaporation line, but I honestly don't think it is. It showed up 2 minutes after I took the test, rather than after the 10 minute test window or even hours later in the trash can (when evap lines often show up). Evap lines are also greyish in color, and this one definitely has a hint of pink. Again, it's so faint, it's hard to be completely sure.

I am inclined to believe it's positive only because my temp is still up, my period is still a no-show, and there were 2 lines. I will retest in the morning and hopefully the line will be stronger. I tested late this afternoon (4pm) which means my urine was more diluted and the hormone isn't as strong as your first morning urine.

Please pray for us that this is truly a positive test. And if it is, that it's a healthy, viable pregnancy, and not another one that will end in miscarriage like the last time.

It's hard to be excited, which is sad. I'm nervous, scared, and thrilled at the same time. I will call my doctor in the morning if it's positive again, to take a blood test and have them check my progesterone levels to make sure they are at a good level and that's not why I'm spotting.

OMG! Am I pregnant?!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Just Thinking

I don't think it happened this cycle. I don't know why, just a gut feeling. Right now I'm 5 days past ovulation, but I might only be 3 days past ovulation. My crosshairs might move on my chart depending on my next few temperatures that I enter. It'll either be CD 20 or CD 23. So we'll see with time.

Even though we had sex like rabbits this month, I just feel like it's not our month. Maybe I'm just becoming more realistic as time passes, which is good and bad. Good because I'm not crazy obsessive over it like I was back in April-May... bad because I should be excited and hopeful - it's only been 3 cycles! Not enough time yet to lack enthusiasm.

So we'll see if my gut feeling pans out. It would be great if I was surprised with a BFP this cycle when I'm just not expecting it. We shall see.

Friday, July 17, 2009

My annual exam

I am sort of in shock right now. It's my first annual exam where we've been actively TTC. So, I took this time to ask a few questions, show them my 2 BBT charts as well as my last few years of charts of just CM with NFP (they are hard copy, not online). I told her that I had a 9-day LP last cycle, which could very well be a fluke, as I don't have other BBT charts to compare it to yet. I also ovulated late - CD 34, and asked if this was a concern at all.

I also made sure she knew that my cycles previously had been around 31 days (give or take) so my last cycle was probably a result of being on summer vacation - lifestyle changing, not being around the same people everyday, activity level changing, etc. Anyway, I just told her/asked her everything, not really expecting much of a response other than, "give it time - it takes an average couple a year to get pregnant, keep charting and come back to see us in 6-8 months if you haven't gotten pregnant."

Well, maybe it was my miscarriage that caused her to be more, well, aggressive - I don't know... but she was very interested in having a conversation about TTC. She was so helpful! She listened to all my thoughts and concerns. She agreed testing for progesterone levels would be wise. She also wanted to set up an ultrasound in 4-6 weeks to check out my ovaries and uterus to make sure I don't have PCOS or anything phsycially hindering me from getting PG. I do realize that we've only been actively TTC for 3 months now and this is VERY fast for her to make such suggestions, but I can't say I have a problem with it!

So I go back late August to do the ultrasound. At the end, she said, "Are you happy with this plan or would you like something more aggressive?" Indifferent I was like, no, no, no, this is great, thank you!

So, I'm kind of excited that my doctor is so cool with working with me. I don't have any reason to believe I have a health issue at this point hindering us from getting pregnant in the next year, but it will be nice to know for sure one way or the other. I am also using the next 5 weeks to work harder at my exercising routine & eating healthier, because I am overweight and that can cause issues as well.

Oh, and I also had my annual exam, lol. It freakin' hurts worse every time! I've never bled from one, but I did this time! She told me I have "some strong muscles down there." I told her... I had been getting a workout. We both laughed.

I never thought I'd enjoy my time at the OB/GYN! Go figure.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sexcapade!

Oh lordy - what was I thinking not using OPKs this month? We have had sex 9 days in a row... geez. I have to say though, it hasn't been all that bad. ;-) But anyway. I am praying that I ovulated today which will result in a temp spike of sorts tomorrow morning.

There isn't too much to report on the TTC front right now. I have had an obscene amount of eggwhite CM this month. It's not that I feel it all day long, but at least once or twice a day I will observe definite EWCM. I never have it this much on any given cycle. I normally get it 2-3 days before O with the occasional random day of it.

This coming Friday I have my annual OB/GYN exam. I don't suspect anything special to come of it, but I do plan to show them my chart from last month and bring them my current chart, just to talk about a few things since I've never been TTC at a time when I had my annual exam scheduled. I will use my doctor to answer some questions that I would normally be googling. :o) I am concerned that my 9day LP (leutal phase - post ovulation) is too short, potentially. Hopefully she'll tell me it's not anything to worry about just yet - or maybe suggest having my progesterone levels checked (which could be possible while I'm there even, if I ovulate today). I've heard 7 dpo is the best time to check your levels but I would only be 5-6 dpo at the time. Anyway we'll see if she is even concerned with that.

All in all, things are just as usual. If planning to have a baby "on time" was ever possible (and I know it's not) this would be the perfect time, being a teacher and all. It would put me due at the end of the school year in April and I could just go on maternity leave until the summer! But God has a sense of humor, that's for sure, and doesn't like to go with "my" plans. So we'll just see what happens.

Friday, June 26, 2009

And so it continues...

This morning I had another high temp - actually the highest it's gotten this entire cycle. It's promising. However pretty my chart may be right now (and it suuuuure is pretty.....) I can't help but shake the feeling that AF is on her way. I have a dull lower backache which is totally common for me right before AF. Unless that is also a sign of early pregnancy, I think AF will be here in the next day or two. :( Once again, I fight the battle between heart and mind. In my heart, I want it so badly, so I'm analyzing everything. It's too early to test, so it should be too early to feel any symptoms. Thus, my one symptom - backache - must be AF coming, right? le sigh. My only saving grace right now is that I can only be in this waiting game for another couple of days and then I'll know either way. The spotting appears to have stopped. I didn't see any this morning but it could show up again later.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Saga That is My Chart

8 DPO is today. My temp went back up to where it was 2 days ago (approx.) If I let my heart win, that was an implantation dip yesterday when it dropped. Also, to tug at the heart strings further, I am having some *very* light brown spotting today. Spotting is sometimes coupled with implantation dips (or implantation even without a dip in your temperature). It happens when the fertilized egg implants itself in your uterine lining and that can cause some light shedding of the lining. Implantation generally happens between 7-10 DPO. For me, the dip was 7 DPO and the spotting has started 8 DPO. The timing is right, and my heart is hopeful.

However, my brain is telling me to be very cautious and not get my hopes up. This spotting could very well be AF on her merry way to greet me yet another month. My LP (post ovulation phase) is normally 10 days long before AF shows, but I'm basing that off of only charting my CM. CM doesn't tell you exactly when you ovulate, so I could be off a day or two. So, spotting at 8 DPO is pretty early for me for it to be AF coming.

::le sigh::

If my temp stays up, and the spotting doesn't increase into obvious period bleeding... I shall test in a couple of days. A lot of women have gotten positive results at 10 DPO. However, it's suggested to wait until 12 DPO. I will test at 10 DPO and then wait again at 12 DPO if it's negative. However, my chart needs to be looking good for me to waste the money on tests.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Crosshairs!

After a *very* long cycle for me this time around, I finally got crosshairs on my chart. I'm on Cycle Day 39. Normally, my cycles are over with in 31 days. I still have at least a week left before my period will arrive, which means this cycle could be anywhere from 46-50 days long. That's not a terribly long cycle, but for me, it is.

I am just so happy it shows that I ovulated. If you look at my chart link on the right, you'll see that 2 red lines have appeared and they cross on CD 34. It says I ovulated on CD 34 because I have now shown 3 or more high temps in a row. I *sort of* feel I ovulated on CD 36 - two days later - because there was a dip just before (which is common before ovulating) and all my temps have stayed raised since then. I *hope* the crosshairs they've given me ARE correct, though, because we had sex with pretty good timing, if that's the case! We had sex on the day of ovulation, and the day after ovulation.

I was so "over" this cycle and just flat-out annoyed that I hadn't ovulated and it was being so long and different, that we sort of "gave up" trying this cycle. We were just hoping my period would come and we could start over next time. So, it's sort of a miracle we actually had sex on the day of ovulation. I hope and pray that's enough for us to become pregnant! However, I have a feeling we should have had sex the day before, and the day before that. It'll only takes one time to get pregnant - I just hope it was timed right!

So, now is the waiting game. It's possible they move my crosshairs if my temps tomorrow and the next day cause it to think my ovulation didn't happen on CD 34. I hope they don't move though. My LP (Leutal Phase) - post ovulation - is normally 10 days. However, this cycle has proved to me that there's no way to tell :) So, technically, I can take a pregnancy test in 6 or 7 days. We'll see. If I start feeling lots of period symptoms, I'll just wait it out.

Well - fingers crossed. I am so happy crosshairs finally showed up. It is a big relief. If nothing else, we will be so much more prepared next cycle - charting a full cycle - and being really good about timing it right!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Not this cycle...

Well, it definitely appears AF (Aunt Flo) is coming. This morning, I had a temp drop (see chart to the right) which is usually indicitive of AF coming. I am also having some lower backache which is pretty common before AF, for me. And I've been running to the bathroom a lot because I just feel like it's here.... although, nothing has showed up yet.

It's CD 28 for me today, and my cycles are normally around 30 days, so right on time! My only comforting feeling is that I am excited to do a full cycle of charting next time. I only started my chart mid-way through my cycle this time around. I've gotten some good practice waking up and temping every morning, and now I'm ready to do a full cycle that will hopefully tell me a lot about my body. Hopefully it'll show that I'm ovulating, and hopefully we can time it really well - and maybe we'll have success!!

I took a pregnancy test this morning and it said, "not pregnant." So, I just wish AF would hurry up and get here so I can get on with the new cycle. A new cycle is like a new opportunity, and a new possibility for becoming pregnant. I'm sure it gets really frustrating after a while, but for now, I'm excited to try again!

I'll keep you posted if AF doesn't show. But for now, I think it will.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Exhaustion

I have been completely and utterly exhausted today. I have no idea why. I have no reason to be. I got a good night's sleep last night and the weather was actually pretty today. I just couldn't seem to shake it. I went down for a nap around 1:00 and slept until 4:00 and was still tired. It could possibly be because it's summer and I don't really have much of a purpose at the moment. I know it's sometimes hard to be motivated when you don't have a normal routine. I can only hope it's because I'm pregnant, but it seems like that's a slim chance. Of course I'm writing about it here because it could potentially be an early symptom of pregnancy. My last pregnancy, which ended in M/C, my first symptom was complete exhaustion. I was beyond tired. It was during my last week of college for the semester and I just chalked it up to finishing up and being wiped out from that. But I got my BFP (big fat positive) that Friday - the last day of the semester! I guess it explained my sleepiness all week. So here I am, two years later, just hoping and praying the fatigue I'm feeling today could be a sign of pregnancy. Only time will tell.

Friday, June 5, 2009

My Chart

Check out the "My Chart" link over to the right. If you click it, you will see my Fertility Friend (FF) chart at any given day during my cycle. The cycle begins with the first day of my period (AF - Aunt Flo) and ends with the first day of my next AF.

This particular chart was only started mid-way through my cycle. Unforunately, that's when I bought my thermometer, so I don't have any temps recorded for days prior than what you see. This means I will have an incomplete chart this month and it probably won't tell me when I've ovulated.

I've decided to attach another chart (this one is NOT mine) but it's a typical chart for a healthy woman that ovulates. My cycles are around 30 days long... sometimes a day or two more, sometimes less. It's pretty regular on a monthly basis.


The pattern you see above is for a woman who ovulates. It's pretty clear on this particular chart because there is an obvious thermal shift. The temperatures are lower on the first part of the cycle and shoot up for the second part of the cycle. The point at which the temps shift up is the point of ovulation (O). You ovulate the day before this thermal shift. If you're lucky, your temps will dip on that ovulation day as seen above. The temp goes down slightly, then shoots up. The reason it shoots up is because of the progesterone hormone that creates heat within your body. Progesterone is only present once you've O'd.

The temps stay mosty raised, with slight fluctuations. At the end of her cycle, the temp shoots back down. This is when her AF arrived. If you become pregnant, your temp should not shoot back down. It should remain elevated and sometimes even climb a little higher. These charts can give you a tremendous amount of information about your body. They can help you conceive, avoid conception, know whether or not your body ovulates at all, and can even tell you if you've become pregnant. They are very helpful!

In looking at this chart, it makes me hopeful that I ovulated on Cycle Day (CD) 14 on my chart. This is actually the day before the first temperature I recorded. The reason I feel this way is because my temperature shot up and has remained somewhat elevated. Looking at my chart, you see some color categories at the bottom. The ones you see are: CM - Cervical Mucous [this is where I record my period flow, or cervical mucous when it becomes present--some of which is considered very fertile]; BD - Baby Dance (aka SEX) you will see AM or PM there, depending on the time of day; the other categories aren't too important to me yet. I have recorded what I thought was ovulation pain on CD 16 and 19.

During my E- mucous (eggwhite - extremely fertile!) I believe I ovulated. This is just my opinion and I really have no idea with no previous temps. I am hoping it's true, because if so, we timed sex pretty well. I typically have 10 day post-ovulation phases (Leutal Phase) so if that were true, I will know in just a few days. Since I don't know if I ovulated when I think I might have, I'll wait an extra few days before testing.

Well that's my chart information for you. Hope it wasn't too overwhelming. :) I know many of you reading this are fully educated on charting, but some of you aren't. Stay tuned and watch for the different temps posted on my chart!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Welcome

I decided to make a TTC (Trying To Conceive) blog. I had been using Livejournal, but am finding it hard to remember to write over there. Since I use Blogger for my personal blog, this will be easier to manage. This will be my space to discuss my feelings, concerns, and to be open and honest about TTC. Flaming will not be tolerated here. With that said, I hope you will enjoy reading about our journey.

Just as a background, 2 years ago in May, DH and I had a miscarriage. We had TTC a few months prior, and then tried like crazy a few months afterwards, with no success. We decided to take a break from TTC and we're happy we did. In those 2 years, we've made a lot of accomplishments. A few of those being that I graduated from college, became a teacher (am currently entering Year 3), DH has advanced in his career quite a bit as well, we bought our first house, and have 2 wonderful Boxer babies. We also foster Boxers and enjoy volunteering. We definitely feel ready now that we've given ourselves that time to heal and time to accomplish some things.

This is our second cycle back TTC. It's also my first cycle charting my temps on Fertility Friend. I will set up a ticker on my blog here (when I figure out how to) so you can check my chart and see how my temps are doing, if you wish. It's mostly for me anyways. Unfortunately, I didn't start temping until the middle of my cycle this time, so it won't show a complete chart, nor will it probably reflect when/if I've ovulated. At any rate, I'm getting accustomed to taking my morning temp everyday and learning how to navigate Fertility Friend (FF). We have our fingers crossed that this month is our month!! High hopes, but I'm just trying to stay positive in the journey.

That's all for now. I'll update as updates surface. Thanks for looking & friendly advice, encouragement, and thoughts are always welcome!