Not Good News

My numbers were low. 46 to be exact. That is only a 16pt. increase from Thursday. The doctor told me it's most likely a destined miscarriage. So, now I wait - but this time, it's not for results... but for that horrible, empty pain that comes from a pregnancy loss.

I am just numb. There is no other way to put it. Why the f*ck do I have to go through this?! TWICE?! Are you kidding me? I look around at the millions of people that clearly don't deserve children, who don't have their lives together, who live on welfare, you name it... busting out kids left and right like it's there job. Why me? Why so many others who are deserving? I just don't get it and never will. I know "God has a plan" and I really do believe that. I just don't know how this kind of hurt and anguish can ever make sense, even in God's plan.

The only glimmer of hope in this terrible situation is that my doctor has a plan for me. She thinks my short leutal phase (9 days) can be fixed with Clomid, a fertility drug that is widely used. It's prescribed for 2 reasons: to induce ovulation in women who do not ovulate on their own; and to lengthen short leutal phases. My leutal phase is not allowing implantation to occur like it needs to. My uterine lining begins to shed too quickly before it has a chance to implant and start growing. This is my doctor's theory, and I have to say, has been my gut feeling the whole time.

I'm going in this month (either the 24th or sooner) to discuss the treatment. Most likely it will be a few days of Clomid at the beginning of the cycle and then progesterone once I ovulate. There are many successes on Clomid and I just hope I can be one of them. Another loss, I think, would put me at the end of my rope.

Please pray for us. We need it.

The Waiting Game

I went to have my hCG levels tested again today. Yay... bloodwork! I know there is plenty more of that to come. :o) I am nervously awaiting the results sometime tomorrow. I have been praying hard. It's obviously out of my control but it doesn't stop me from praying that this is the right time for us to have a successful pregnancy. I know I will feel so much better if we get good numbers tomorrow. Please pray for us.

Today I had a new symptom creep up! SORE BOOBS! Lovely. I welcome it, though. Bring it on! They're very tender and achy. I'm sure they could feel worse, though. They're not super intense yet. But definitely noticeable and uncomfortable certain times throughout the day, starting with waking up this morning!

I was also FAMISHED for dinner tonight at 4:30. I got physically sick feeling in Kohls when I was buying a work top. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to eat something. I'm starting to realize I'll need to keep a snack in my purse for those moments, because on the way home I stopped and got a Whopper from Burger King! Not good. Well, it was actually really good (lol) but I know it's not good FOR me. There was no chance I was going to make it home alive if I didn't eat something.

That's all for now... tomorrow I'll post the results in the afternoon/evening once I hear from my doctor. Until then, it's just waiting.

Digital Results

Yay! I took a digital today because it seemed like forever since Thursday when I heard my bloodwork results. It was also a mini-test to see if my hCG levels had risen. You see, the line tests I had been taking before only required 25 mIU/mL of the hormone in your pee. Since my bloodwork revealed my levels were 30, that explains the faintness of the lines on those tests -- I was barely meeting the requirements for the test to be positive.

Well, digital tests require 50 mIU/mL of the hormone in your pee. This means that on Thursday, or probably Friday even, the digital would still have been negative. I was that early pregnant when I found out! Your hormone levels are supposed to double every 48 hours (approx.) so if I was at 30 on Thursday, then by Saturday I should have been around 60 in theory, if my numbers were rising as they should. That means today, Sunday, they should have been a little higher than 60 even (of course, we're hoping for really high numbers, but this would be the minimum!)

So, if today's digital test was negative, I would have been really worried. Needless to say, it was positive and I'm elated. I'm now much more at ease as I wait to get more bloodwork done tomorrow afternoon and results Tuesday afternoon. It could still be bad news... even though the hormone has been rising so far, it could now completely stop. But we're trying our best to think positively and I'm still having some symptoms.

-Bloated (on and off - sometimes it's really bad)
-Extra gassy (and can't blame it on any particular food)
-Tired (not exhausted yet, but definitely want a nap everyday)
-Waves of dizziness/queasiness randomly throughout the day (no sickness yet)
-The feeling of twinges & pulls in my lower abdomen which I've never felt before! I've read that this is my uterus already expanding and contracting as the embryo grows - however small it may be :o)

Anyway. Tomorrow is back to work so that should be interesting to see how that affects my body. I imagine I'll be pretty exhausted and will need a big nap when I get home! As I said I'll be stopping at my doctor's office on my way home for more bloodwork.

Should be the last post until Tuesday

After this morning's test, I took another (with 2nd morning urine) and it was definitely positive. My conclusion is that my hormones are just on the cusp of being detectable on the HPTs.

I went for my hair appointment and my hairdresser was a few minutes behind, so I called my doctor's office to see if my bloodwork results were in. They were!!! Excitement and nerves flushed through me. Then they said my doctor was in a c-section surgery and she would be calling me later, since it's policy the doctors make the phone calls.

So, I got my new cute 'do (love it) and went home. I tried to kill some time. My mom came over to see my haircut. Then the phone rang... it was Dr. Anderson. She said I am definitely pregnant!! :oD

My hCG level was 30. This is low, but she said it's because I'm very early pregnant. I was 11 dpo when the test was done. According to a chart I found online, the median number for 11 dpo is 23, so 30 is actually a bit higher than the median. I am holding on to this bit of hope over the weekend while I wait anxiously to have more blood work done Monday afternoon.

My progesterone was a great score, she said. 14.7! Anything above 10 is good. So, that is a big relief.

Monday I will go back to the doctor when I get off from work and do some more bloodwork. Then I think Tuesday the results should be available. Pray for doubling numbers - good high numbers so I can rest easy at least until my first ultrasound & hopefully hearing the heartbeat.

Cautiously optimistic is what we are. I am getting excited, but trying not to let myself get too worked up about it. For now, I'm pregnant and couldn't feel more blessed.

The Roller Coaster Continues

This morning... another negative test. I've only had negatives with first morning urine! Go figure! That's supposed to be the most concentrated and give you the strongest results. For me, not so much. Second morning urine and later in the afternoon is what has given me positives.

So, of course it makes me feel frantic when I see that it's negative, and makes me crazy nervous. I am 12 dpo right now, which is still early. However, I'm 3 days late. I have a short LP (9 days). The good news is, the spotting has seemed to stop. I'm really hoping the last few days of spotting was implantation spotting which would explain the very faint positives and also...well, the spotting of course.

I otherwise feel okay, nothing too weird. Perhaps a bit more tired (I've been enjoying early evening naps the last week or so). This morning I woke up feeling totally bloated and very gassy. No foods I've eaten would have contributed to this. I've been eating normal stuff and none of it has been high fiber or what normally makes you gassy - beans, etc. I laid in bed this morning just feeling all the strange sensations in my abdomen. I have no idea if they're pregnancy related, but they're sure new to me.

So I suppose I'll test in a little while and hopefully see another positive for peace of mind. Then I'll try to lay low for a couple days. I am going to call my doctor around 1:00 today to see if my results are in. If not, I have to wait until Monday. Please keep us in your prayers as this worrisome journey continues...

Well, well, well.

What a friggin rollercoaster! The test I took this morning seemed negative to me. A light line showed up later (after the 10 min window) but I can't count that as positive.

So I went back to bed, woke up around 8:30 and took another test - positive!! The line showed up within the 3 minutes it says. Again, very faint, but still there, and pink!

I decided to call my doctor this afternoon to see what they thought I should do. She called me back and said come in right away. So, I made it there at 3pm (I had to work in my classroom today) and they drew my blood. I showed her my test from earlier this morning (which hasn't changed at all. Still looks the same way it did during the 10 minute window) and she agreed it was definitely a faint positive, as long as that was the result within the 10 minutes (which it was). It doesn't benefit me at all to lie about when the result appeared. The last thing I want is to get hyped up that I am pregnant, but not really be.

So she took my blood for hCG levels and also my progesterone levels. I can call at noon tomorrow, but she didn't think the results would be in until Monday. :o( I see a lot of testing this weekend...

But for now, I'll leave you with a picture of today's test from this afternoon. I think I got a pretty decent shot this time, and it helps that it's a wee bit darker. ;o) A line is a line! And it's pink, too. It's even clearer in person...it's the best I could do on our camera.

Hold up

There weren't 2 lines this morning. Not sure what this means, but for now, I'm not counting myself as pregnant.

I will, however, buy another test today and try again. My temp is still high (highest yet) and still no sign of AF. Right now I'm just left confused.

PS: My test from last night is still positive, and still pink. A positive is supposed to remain for 2 days.